‘Didn’t know the love has gotten that strong,’ your phone beeps, an incoming WhatsApp message from Edu. ‘Your relationship status update on facebook. Thumbs up.’ You told him about Kay last December, when the relationship was barely two months old.
You send him a laugh emoticon; it’s indeed funny, the ‘thumbs up’, albeit you’re at a loss what he’s congratulating you for: the love that ‘has gotten that strong’ or the status you updated. Whichever, you don’t consider it a feat. You think instead it’s luck, sheer luck, you’ve dated Kay for over a year now. And the ‘In a relationship with Kay since 27 September, 2014’ status had been there until a day – less than a day – ago when you had to change it to ‘Single’ because Morgana, Kay’s elder sister, disapproved of the relationship and you had to break up briefly, very briefly, with Kay. Now everything has been resolved, somewhat, and you thought it wise to restore the former status.
‘It’s over a year now naa.’ Once you’ve sent him that, you have this inkling that it’s perhaps your ‘boldness’ at going public with the relationship that he congratulated you for. For you know how many a man (and girls too: Cindy often tell you how she wouldn’t show her guy how she love him lest it give him an advantage over her. You’ve heard some girls too lie about not dating their boyfriends, at the guys’ back of course.) think a man’s greatest tragedy is showing his girl more love than she shows him; how many a man think their love for their girls should be baits that make the girls keep begging for more.
Of course you can’t see you’ve done anything bold. You love a girl, fb asks you if you do, you say yes. Finish!
Didn’t even know
I’m really growing tired of relationships’
‘I sometimes get tired, too. If ever I break up with her, then it’s over. But I love her.’
‘Of course you do J No guy broadcasts to the world his love for a girl who doesn’t love her
You know I’ve gone deep with Ruby and due to that reason I gave up on so many other girls
I mean more beautiful and understanding girls’
You know Ruby, an uncertain – what with her heavy cosmetic titivation – chocolate-complexioned beauty. ‘Yet it didn’t work with her after all your sacrifices?’
‘No regrets tho
We still together just that am tired of the whole shit
Have come to realize that we’re not really an item’
‘Not an item?’ You miss the idiom.
Always having cash issues’
His illumination doesn’t help, but you let it be. Laugh emoticon.
‘It sounds funny right?’
It’s really the tone of his lamentations you find funny. ‘She requests money from you?’ You never imagined Ruby would extort guys. You hold her in high esteem; her openness with matters about sex and her unwanted pregnancy whenever you chat with her on fb cast her as a very considerate and mature girl.
Most girls do
And she happens to be one of them’
However truthful her comment that ‘most girls do’, you’re pissed off by it; it’s as though he’s excusing his foolishness by the comment. ‘Nawa oo.
That’s one of my tests of a girl’s love for me.
If you often request from me, you don’t love me.’
But you know as a guy you must assist your girl with little stuff’
‘And the girl should assist me with little stuff, too.’ Shit, you didn’t see he used ‘must’! ‘See, I think really it’s we guys who let girls extort us by thinking we ALONE should assist them financially.’
You think your text is clear as clear can be. ‘I think financial assistance should be mutual.’
‘And in any relationship I’m a party I make my position clear: that giving and taking should be mutual.
Indeed I don’t even “chyke” a girl at first if I found out she has that disposition that only the guy should give and only the girl receive.
It’s injustice to me.’
‘Men I’m just tired’
‘Tiredness won’t solve a thing, bro.’
‘Don’t worry sha am not letting it happen again’
But you’re already worked up by this case, like you always are by every such case, of girls’ heartlessness, guys’ stupidity. ‘It’s for YOU to put a stop to all those nonsense.
Even for a seemingly unimportant matter as calls, I insist the girl call me too. I can’t be the only one calling. It’s absolutely unfair and unacceptable to me.’
‘Really gonna do that’
‘You have to.’
‘Just that you know it ain’t as easy as it’s said’
‘It isn’t easy because all along you’ve been the one giving her. It would seem odd waking up someday and telling her you want giving to now be mutual.’
‘Not even abt giving’
‘That’s why I always define my stance ab initio. But fuck the oddity, you have to tell her.’
‘I mean letting go’
You’re surprised he’s admitted it now; some years back when Morgana – yes, she’s your ex! – broke your heart he’d told how easily you could forget her. ‘Oh, that!
Yeah, but you can.’
‘Cos I can’t stop giving and expect everything to be normal btw us still
Am trying to actually’
‘Explain your newfound enlightenment to her. If she can’t cope with it then find another girl.
And be sure to sure to make your position clear to the new girl from day 1.’
‘I have a couple of girls already just that even with them being around
It’s still like my heart is stuck with her
‘See, you’ll lose many girls with this newfound enlightenment, but certainly those girls are “losable”. Any girl who sees relationships as means to amass wealth from guys is “losable”, should be done away with.
So you’ll lose many girls, but the few you’ll have around you’d be glad you have them.’
‘She’s actually the only problem when it comes to cash’
‘Women rant about feminism and how men marginalize them, but they won’t agree there’s any way whatever they marginalize men.
This, and many more, is one such way.’
‘To her and her types all she can ever offer in a relationship is sex’
‘About being hard to leave her, I’ll give you the formula I used on Morgana and hope it works for you.’
‘Ok ready to get it’
‘You know about the issue of sex, I don’t think a girl is actually offering me anything by letting me do her. At least I don’t think she’s the ONLY one offering something when we fuck. I offer her something, too. Sex is a mutual act, bro. Sexual pleasure, too, is mutual. It’s not as though I’m the only one enjoying the fuck.
OK now the formula:’
‘First minimize communication with her.’
‘Am already on that
But she calls’
‘If, for instance, you used to call her daily, you could cut down to calling her once in two or three days, depending on how far your emotions could carry you.’
‘Like how often does she call?’
‘I mean like if she doesn’t hear from me’
‘OK. It doesn’t matter, still keep at what you’re aiming at – cutting down communication with her. You could give her one or other excuse when she asks why you don’t call as often as you used to.’
‘Then when you think your emotions could carry it, extend the gap in communication to like calling her once in 4 days or once in a week. And so on. Just keep increasing the bridge in communication whenever you feel your feelings could extend the bridge.’
‘You don’t have to force anything, just go at the pace of your emotions.’
‘With time you’d find you could spend months without hearing from her and you’d feel perfectly normal.’
‘And all the while keep reassuring yourself that YOU own yourself. That the bad feelings would still pass, that it certainly wouldn’t last forever. That it would pass and you would feel fine again.’
‘For an analogy: identify yourself with the sky and see the bad feelings as the clouds just sailing pass through you, the sky. They, the clouds, would certainly pass and leave a clear, bright sky in their aftermath.’
‘If you believe in God, you could pray too. That s/he should take away the bad feelings for you.’
‘Ok thanks a bunch’
‘It might take time, just don’t rush it. Go at your emotions’ pace.
Alright. My pleasure.’
‘Udo di. Go out there and be happy, nwanne. Nobody deserves to make you feel bad. J’